Self-love (myths and truths)is often talked about as if it’s something simple: “Just love yourself, and everything will be okay.” But the truth is, self-love is complex and sometimes even misunderstood. Many people believe that self-love is a one-size-fits-all solution, but in reality, it’s a journey—especially if you’ve been through difficult emotional experiences.
I know this all too well. After discovering my husband’s betrayal, I was left feeling broken, unsure of who I was, and with my self-esteem shattered. For a long time, I believed the myths surrounding self-love—thinking it was about feeling good all the time or just “getting over” the pain. But through my own healing journey, I’ve discovered the truth about what it means to truly love yourself, flaws and all. Let me share with you some myths and truths about self-love that I’ve learned along the way.
1. Myth: Self-Love Means Always Feeling Happy
It’s easy to assume that if you truly love yourself, you should always feel happy, positive, and content. But the truth is that self-love is not about constant happiness—it’s about accepting and embracing all of your emotions, including sadness, anger, and fear.
After my divorce, I went through a rollercoaster of emotions. There were days when I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror without feeling like I had failed. I thought that in order to be “worthy” of self-love, I should be happy and content all the time. But that wasn’t the truth. Self-love means allowing yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling without judgment. It’s about being compassionate with yourself during the tough days and knowing that your worth isn’t defined by your emotions or circumstances.
2. Truth: Self-Love is About Boundaries and Respecting Yourself
A key element of self-love is setting boundaries—something I learned the hard way. For years, I allowed people and situations to take advantage of my time and emotional energy. After my marriage ended, I realized I needed to protect myself by setting clear emotional and physical boundaries with others.
As Dr. Brené Brown wisely puts it, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” The truth is, when we respect ourselves enough to establish boundaries, we show the world—and ourselves—that we are worthy of love, respect, and care.
This was something I had to learn over time. I had to stop answering calls from toxic people, limit contact with my ex-husband, and learn to say “no” when something didn’t serve my well-being. Self-love involves standing up for yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable.
3. Myth: Self-Love is Selfish
This myth is one of the most dangerous ones because it often stops people from loving themselves in the first place. We’ve been conditioned to believe that self-love equals selfishness, but in reality, the opposite is true. When we practice self-love, we show up as our best selves for the people we care about.
I used to feel guilty for taking time for myself after my divorce. Whether it was spending a weekend alone or saying no to social gatherings, I thought it made me a bad person. But I learned that self-love is essential for being able to love others. If you can’t fill your own cup, you won’t have anything to give. Through self-care practices like writing poetry, listening to music, and reading inspiring books, I began to heal and rediscover who I truly was. And when I gave myself that time and space, I was able to show up more fully in my relationships.
4. Truth: Self-Love Requires Patience and Time
One of the most important truths I learned on my journey to self-love is that it’s a process—it doesn’t happen overnight. After my divorce, I wanted to heal quickly, but I soon realized that real healing takes time. It requires patience, forgiveness, and a willingness to do the inner work.
I spent months reading books, listening to music that uplifted me, and writing in my journal to process my emotions. Slowly, my self-esteem began to rebuild. True self-love isn’t about a quick fix; it’s about consistently choosing to nurture and care for yourself over time. The more I worked on my emotional healing, the stronger and more empowered I became.
5. Myth: Self-Love Means Never Being Vulnerable
Many people believe that loving yourself means building walls and never allowing anyone in. But the truth is that vulnerability is an important part of self-love. Vulnerability is not a weakness; it’s a sign of strength.
After my divorce, I struggled with vulnerability. I wanted to close myself off from the world and avoid getting hurt again. But I realized that opening up, whether through sharing my story, connecting with others, or being honest about my feelings, allowed me to heal more deeply. Self-love involves being vulnerable enough to admit when you need help, when you’re struggling, and when you’re ready to receive love.
6. Truth: Self-Love Means Being Kind to Yourself
Finally, self-love is about being kind to yourself, especially during the times when you feel least deserving of love. After my marriage ended, I struggled with feelings of shame and guilt. I couldn’t understand why I felt so much pain, but over time, I learned to be compassionate with myself. I started practicing affirmations, telling myself that I was worthy of love and healing, despite everything that had happened.
As Louise Hay, a pioneer of self-love, teaches: “Loving yourself is the greatest revolution you can make.” The truth is, you deserve love, kindness, and care—especially from yourself. The more I showed myself compassion, the more I was able to attract positive energy into my life.
Conclusion: Embrace Your Journey to Self-Love
The truth about self-love is that it’s not a destination—it’s a journey. A journey filled with ups and downs, but one that leads to deeper self-awareness, healing, and empowerment. After going through betrayal, heartbreak, and emotional loss, I’ve learned that self-love is about embracing all of who you are—your flaws, your strengths, and your vulnerabilities.
If you’re looking to cultivate more self-love in your life, I’d love to help. Click here to receive a personalized poem and song, designed to help you embrace the love you deserve.
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